Pleasing Ibra

This is how he smiles.

He’s won domestic titles in the Netherlands, Spain, and Italy, multiple kinds of Supercups, and numerous personal accolades.

With a Serie A leading 19 goals, 5 assists, and 5 Champions League tallies, Zlatan Ibrahimovic has had another great season on the pitch.

But this guy is always pissed off!

The big Swede is only recently back from his annual suspension for striking an opponent, the “victim” this year Napoli’s Salvatore Aronica.

He picked up right where he left off setting up Nocerino and blasting a screamer of his own to climb into the lead for Serie A Capocannoniere (Top scorer).

He’s enjoying his best form for Milan. He’s a huge star. Paid handsomely. Married to a Swedish model.

But DON’T F**KING LOOK AT HIM!!!

What is it going to take to accomplish the title of this post?

Ibrahimovic’s latest episode came on the heels of a good personal and team performance at the San Siro against Lecce.

While being interviewed, Ibra looked at someone off camera and shouted, “Che cazzo guardi?”

Essentially, “what the fuck are you looking at?”

The target? SKY Reporter Vera Spadini.

Zlatan then made sure to throw in an insult about getting back in the kitchen for good measure.

Ibra has since claimed to have called Spadini to get the situation “cleared up.”

Earlier in the week, he was also reportedly in a bit of a row with Allegri in London after Milan’s poor performance, exclaiming that the managers tactics had been poor. (They had).

I was skeptical of Ibra when he joined Milan. He has been mercenary and a headache in the past but his talent is undeniable.

He hasn’t been that big of a distraction with the Rossoneri, beyond his suspensions on the field, and has looked committed more often than I will admit I expected.

His presence on the pitch is an asset and he’s actually played a large hand in setting up many goals for teammates, beyond what the statistics will show.

I’m not sure I’ll ever fully turn the corner and outright like the guy, but I do want him to perform well and stay with Milan.

So I want him to be happy.

But what will it take? A few ideas:

An International Tournament Victory For Sweden

Fat chance.

A Ballon d’Or

In another era, Zlatan would at least be contending for these. But with Messi and all those Iberians on the loose, that ship has sailed unless he can produce something absolutely spectacular.

An old classic.

Milan Signing Gerard Pique

Too easy. I pray he never reads this.

Exclusive Worldwide Rights to the Name Zlatan

Could be possible. He already basically has it in Sweden.

Starting and Starring in a Football/Karate Fusion Sport

Complete with a  stylized documentary film Zlatan will call “Murderball”.

I know. He doesn’t care.

A Champions League Trophy

This is in fact what Ibrahimovic craves. It’s the trophy that can cement his legacy.

Only that might finally thaw the mighty Zlatan.

And coincidentally, it would make me pretty happy too.