Exclusive! Interview With Kyle Beckerman.

His Cadillac smells quite skunk-ey.

His Cadillac smells quite skunky.

One of our four-five-two contributors caught up with Beckerman in Salt Lake City and got a chance to get a tour of the city from him during the Q&A. (Are you feeling any job envy yet?)

452: So, Kyle. How’s it going, man?

Beckerman: Good brother! Better than good, GREAT! I feel like a warm stick of butter, melting on a hot stack of flapjacks.

452: Umm, okay. You pretty pumped about the recent results with the U.S. National Team against Costa Rica and Mexico especially?

Beckerman: Huh? Oh, right! Yeea maan. Horchata is the SHIT man! I must have chugged about a gallon of it in my “Pre-match rituals.” before Mexico. Probably why the Jurgen-Meister didn’t put me in hahahahaha!

452: Umm, Yea. I enjoy horchata as much as the next guy, but what we the people want to know are your inside opinions on the results.

Beckerman: Yea, man. The whole fuckin’ field looked like Tony Montana’s desk! Ya know, Scarface? Hahahaa. That’s like the BEST fuckin movie EVER! The smog in Mexico City covered the skunk comin’ from my dreads too. And the horchata was killer!

452: Yea, about that. What’s with the smell in here? Did you hit a skunk or something?

Beckerman: The wha-? Oh, yeah, skunk man. Hey what’s with all the questions? I’m in chill mode right now and you’re being a downer.

452: Kyle, it’s an interview, that you agreed to.

Beckerman: Riiiight, for the 4-2-0 website. I get kinda forgetful sometimes.

452: Actually, it’s 4-5-2.

Beckerman: Jesus, alright Mr. Corrector. (Name Redacted) said you were cool, and that guy fuckin’ knows everything! He’s like full of wisdom, like Bob Marley or some shit.

452: Sounds good, I guess. So how do you like Salt Lake? Do you enjoy the city and the fans and everything?

Beckerman: Yea, it’s all gravy baby! I don’t really go out much outside of training and games. Too much attention, and cops, but I do frequent the Taco Bell here in SSL (South Salt Lake) on State Street if I’m not just aimlessly drivin’ around and “Seeing the sites” if ya know what I mean haha. The guys there are real chill and don’t go callin’ all their friends like “Oooo Kyle Beckerman is here! Tell your mom!” None of that noise. we just hang out, eat up some good munchies and have some KILLER (hacky) sack sessions! Not to mention the good jams and we have a conspiracy theory about why there’s almost always a Wendy’s next to the Taco Bell’s in SLC. Look it up, dude!

452: That’s pretty interesting. What’s it like playing home games in SLC?

Beckerman: Man, it’s like a spiritual movement. All these people cheering  you on, makes you feel like a titan or something. The singing and the chanting is like a warrior cry for me, ya know? Away games, not so much. Especially in the Azteca, with the bags full of piss thrown at you and the laser lights in your face. Bad vibes. Not to mention the laser lights will trip you out, hardcore, and you get distracted, and forget to give Jozy his cookies so he’ll score. It can be a big downer being at an away game.

452: Yea that does sound pretty bad. How do you deal with all the pressure?

Beckerman: The wisdom-full words of people like Gandhi, Marley, and Buddha, to name a few, for starters. It’s powerful stuff man! I consider myself to be a part time philosopher. I spend a lot of time growing plants too, I’m also a part time botanist. If you know what I mean. *winks*

452: Oh-KAY. Well. What’s your training and diet routine like?

Beckerman: All the basic workouts that comes with soccer, dude. I don’t keep a list or anything. As far as diet goes, Taco Bell and cleansing foods and drinks from the whole foods places around here. Gotta keep the system clean, it’s like a temple. Ya know?

452: Yea, I think I know. Well that’s about all the time we have, I appreciate the time and the ride, though all we did was circle the block 18 times. And of course the insider info of Kyle Beckerman.

Beckerman: No problem. Peace man. One love brutha!

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