QPR Conspiracy Against Robin van Persie

robin van persie

The footballing world, particularly Robin van Persie and United, had almost been Shanghaied by Queens Park Rangers but, due to some clever, uncouth, investigative journalism, the whole thing has been blown wide open.

Enter; One goal scoring machine, Robin van Persie, and one manager of a relegation bound team that is under fire, Harry Redknapp, and we’ve got ourselves the plot of the century.

23 of February, 2013. United cruise their way past Rangers in a 2-0 victory with a goal from Ryan Giggs, and a stunning volley that impregnated most of London from Rafael Da Silva. Business as usual? I don’t think so.

On the 23rd minute of the match (on the 23rd of February? I don’t believe in coincidences.) the Premier League’s leading goal scorer goes careening into the camera pit after crossing the ball into the box an emerges clutching his hip. He was eventually subbed due to the incident.

Watch closely as Redknapp gives the signal to both the defender and the cameraman as van Persie makes his run.

Perfectly synchronized, the defender gives the Dutchman an innocent-enough nudge towards the camera pit-of-doom and the man manning the camera swivels the back of the chair right into his hip.

My grandfather witnessed the sneak attack and described it as “a spider hole-like ambush he used to see in ‘Nam.”.

The proof? My secret insider, who’s identity I cannot disclose, was able to wire-tap Redknapp’s mobile phone as seen here.

redknapp phone

He recorded this snippet of conversation of Redknapp to an unknown associate, speaking in his native, Cockney dialect:

“Nah, we can’t thumb-suckin’ do aahhht suspicious ter win the game, Ferguson and company will ‘ave us brahn bread. ‘Owever, we can take aahhht the dutchman if we git it right. I’ve got it aw planned aahhht. Yeah, there could be sum Bread and Honey in it.”

Translation:

“No, we can’t fucking do anything suspicious to win the game, Ferguson and company will have us dead. However, we can take out the dutchman if we execute it perfectly. I’ve got it all planned out. Yeah, there could be some money involved.”

The associates to Redknapp are unknown and no official investigation has been opened yet.

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