Christmas is just around the corner, and we already gave you sweet jersey-as-present ideas back in August. Let’s get to the games — and because of Wednesday’s Tube Strike messing with my former Arsenal-West Ham plans — any soccer commentary motivating quickly-drunk servings of holiday cheer will have to happen this weekend. (It makes the mall more tolerable later. Trust us.)
Six Points Clear: That’s been the motto of late with anything United. It turns out that this Robin van Persie can score goals. Who knew? Of course, their quest to stay Six Points Clear involves beating Swansea, whereas it’s Man City’s week to give Reading noogies and wedgies. (Related: Can Reading clinch relegation by March? Bring us Crystal Palace!)
Santi Claus: Expect clever Santi/Santa puns for any gift-giving, lighting the way like Rudolph, yellow card recipients going on Santa’s naughty list, etc., etc. We’re in the first half as we put this together, and we’re slipping into “All I want for Christmas is a goal” territory.
Fellaini’s been suspended: Maybe you’ve heard? The Big Belgian’s out for three games after showing a Stoke player that there is a pretty hard skull under all that hair. The first test for a Fellaini-less Everton comes against West Ham, the EPL team most likely to be on the giving end of head butts.
Help is on the way: It’s not too early to insert transfer rumors into the commentary, especially those teams looking to be in dire need of a talent infusion (cough * Liverpool * cough).
Christmas is cancelled!: Both QPR and Newcastle cancelled Christmas parties for this year, as there’s nothing more reassurance for fans then a steely resistance to holiday cheer. Both teams really need this win. Hard Harry would like to lead QPR out of the relegation zone, and Newcastle would like to avoid the peril of a Villa-like flirtation with the bottom three.