The Daydrinker’s Five: The In-Progress, We Already Started Daydrinking Edition

My birthday + Arsenal 5, Spurs 2 = Daydrinking already. It didn’t help that my bingo card said, “Drink every time Santos commits a foul, and take a shot every time a striker with Grace Jones hair gets a red card for going all Cobra Kai on Cazorla.”

With the 10 am ET games in progress, here are some drink-every-time-you-see-this options:

1. Dodgy mustaches. It’s Movember, the month in which lots of guys grow mustaches to either raise awareness about men’s health, or just because they can. (Though looking at Theo and Ramsey today, that’s debatable.) So, your mission: Drink every time you see a mustache on an EPL player that doesn’t conclusively answer the question, “Has this EPL player gone through puberty?” (Note: Thomas Carroll may never achieve puberty.)

2. Defensive lapses by Chelsea. It’s not the usual back line for Chelsea, and Sideshow Bob has already let Shane “On Fire” Long poke one home for the Baggies.

3. Man U goals. Get your livers ready — the Current League Leaders are playing Norwich in today’s late game. Could six goals happen?

4. Anytime commentators in the Man City or Liverpool games mention the Suarez to Man City rumor. Of note: A column from Ireland’s Independent site, in commenting on Suarez’ pledge to stay with the Reds, starts, “It takes a momentous leap of the imagination to glimpse Luis Suarez as any kind of antidote to the diseased heart of professional football.”

5. Berbatov! Drink anytime Berbatov does something worth celebrating. (Optional: If you smoke, do that too, because Berbatov certainly does.)

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