Joseph Barton’s French Phrasebook

An Englishman Abroad (Credit: Getty Images)

The most entertaining move of this Summer’s transfer window has been the loan move of future England captain Joseph Anthony Barton from QPR to Olympique Marseille.  For their part, supporters of L’OM unveiled a banner reading “Welcome, Tender Sweet Hooligan” at their last match to welcome Mr. Barton.

While the man’s Twitter feed seemed to imply that the ambassador for High Culture in the Premier League has been enjoying his time on France’s south coast, we figure he would enjoy it more if he had a practical knowledge of the language.  So, we at 452 University have prepared the following phrase guide to help Joey navigate daily life.

Non, officier, il m’a coup de tête alors que je fumais ce cigare

“No, officer, he headbutted ME while I was smoking the cigar!”

Vous n’aimez pas les Smiths? Je vais vous battre insensé devant cette McDonald! “

“You don’t like the Smiths?  I will beat you senseless in front of this McDonald’s!!!”

Gaffer, vous devez faire appel de mon douze matches interdiction

“Gaffer, you must appeal my twelve-match ban!”

Avez-vous la première édition de Surveiller et punir?

“Do you have first-print editions of Foucault’s Discipline and Punish?

Mark Hughes est un niais absolue

“Mark Hughes is an absolute ninny!”

Que voulez-vous dire «Je ne suis pas Joe Cole?

“What do you mean, ‘I’m no Joe Cole?'”

Tactiques Roy Hodgson représenter la mort cynique de football anglais. Ils seraient absolument nietzschéen si elles n’étaient pas si déprimant

“Roy Hodgson’s tactics represent the cynical death of English Football. They’d be absolutely Nietzschean if they weren’t so depressing”

Liam Gallagher gêné par une nation ne se réconcilier avec son frère pour la cérémonie de clôture des Jeux olympiques. Même Blur ont réussi à obtenir leur acte ensemble pour un dernier spectacle.

“Liam Gallagher embarrassed a nation by not reconciling with his brother for the Olympic Closing Ceremony. Even Blur were able to get their act together for one last show.”

Mr. Barton, this is a start.  We have no doubt you’ll navigate the language quite successfully from here.

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