How to Annoy Fans of All 20 EPL Teams: A Handy Guide

There was a great line in the Men in Blazers podcast last week — the best new way to annoy Arsenal fans is to comment, after every missed shot, “Van Persie would have scored that.” This got us thinking — are there sure-fire lines that could guarantee annoyance from every EPL team’s contingent of fans? We’ve come up with some choice things to say at your soccer-watching pub. Some of them might make you look a little clueless, unless you deliver the line with the right level of sarcasm. But some stranger questioning your intelligence is a small price to pay for all the winces and withering glares you’ll produce. You’re welcome.

Arsenal: (When Walcott or Cazorla touch the ball) “He’s going to be great for Man City next year.”

Aston Villa: (When team’s wearing their home uniforms) “Look at that — they’re showing the West Ham game.”

Chelsea: (Every time Torres touches the ball) “So who are they going to replace Drogba with?”

Everton: (At any point in the game, really) “So, Everton made Europa League this year, right?”

Fulham: (After a turnover or other mistake) “I can see why Dempsey doesn’t want to play for this team anymore.”

Liverpool: (After a turnover or other mistake) “I bet this’ll make it into the documentary.”

Manchester City: (At any point in the game, really) “Brutal Champions League draw for City, huh?”

Manchester United: (When camera pans to Sir Alex after a missed shot or other ManU mistake) “Wow, the game’s really passing him by, huh?”

Newcastle: (When Newcastle’s playing in their home unis) “So, wait, why are the refs playing?”

Norwich City: (At any point in the game) “So, who do you think’s going to replace Norwich and whoever else gets relegated next year?”

QPR: (After a turnover or other mistake) “Just wait until Joey Barton comes back.”

Reading: (When there’s some on-screen acknowledgement that it’s Reading playing): “Any idea when the Writing and Arithmetic games are on?”)

Southampton: (When the camera’s just focused on Southampton players) “I thought there was a Premier League game on right now.”

Stoke City: (Every time Crouch touches the ball) “I hope he scores so we can see him do the robot.”

Sunderland: (Whenever a Sunderland jersey is shown) “You know, I think I WILL invest in Africa.”

Swansea: (Until they slip out of the top part of the table) “Well, you know they can’t stay at the top of the table forever, right?”

Tottenham Hotspur: (Whenever they’re losing): “Looks like they really miss Modric, huh?”

West Brom: See Swansea

West Ham: (When team’s wearing their home uniforms) “Hey, Aston Villa’s on!”

Wigan: (When they show Martinez) “So, where do you think he’ll end up next year?”

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