So, it was looking like Gaston Ramirez had a decent little role at Bologna — plays wing, wears the #10, plays for the highly-regarded Uruguayan national team, being oh-so-constantly within reach of Diego Forlan’s golden locks — but he was looking for more this year.
Namely, he was looking for glory in the EPL.
With (wait for it) Southampton.
He even went as far as to tell an Italian paper, as ESPN reported, “They believe in me in every way . . . and above all I have said that they are going to grow. Southampton is a newly promoted team in the English top flight, but they have the means to stand tall in a few years. And with me they are going to build. It’s all very stimulating. Even if it is a little strange.”
They believed in him. They were going to grow together. He was stimulated. Basically, Gaston and Southampton sitting in a tree …
But then Liverpool got word of this. Perhaps the new skipper looked at his stable of creative wingers, set Plan B in motion in case Dempsey can’t get free of his Fulham contract, and decided to look to Italy.
But then Bologna spoke up — and according to the team and Ramirez’s agent, the deal to the Saints is now off. And Bologna kind of got bitchy about it. Club chairman Albano Guaraldi was quoted in the ESPN article as saying,” Ramirez is contracted to Bologna – and the club will decide upon his future, not the player himself. Ramirez’s behaviour is totally unacceptable, giving open interviews like that without consulting us. Gaston cannot force my hand with two interviews. I am a serious person and I’ve already said it will take €20m to sell him. And I also told his agent.”
Still, is this best for poor Gaston? Do Bologna have his interests in mind by protecting him from the clutches of two EPL bottom-feeders? Or is this just Serie A getting jealous of EPL’s increasing cache? We decided to put the “What team would Gaston Ramirez be best on” question to the test.
Bologna: Bologna. Just Bologna. Or rossoblu, for red and blue.
Liverpool: The Reds. Or Dirty Scouses. (One of those might not be official.)
Southampton: The Saints.
Advantage: Southampton. The Saints won a Super Bowl recently. Reds and rossoblu are color names.
Bologna: In their Serie A final last May, they lost 1-0 to Parma.
Liverpool: Last week, to the delight of the entire FourFiveTwo staff, Liverpool lost 3-0 to West Brom, making Fox Soccer Channel’s upcoming documentary on Liverpool even more of a Flavor Of Love-level jolly good trainwreck.
Southampton: For four glorious minutes, they were up 2-1 on Man City before reality (read: $$$) set in. Suggested title for the Fox Soccer Channel’s 2013 documentary on Southampton: Four Glorious Minutes.
Advantage: Southampton. I mean, they’re all losses, but taking the defending league champs to the final whistle is certainly better than what Lolpool managed.
Bologna: Weirdly, Bologna is an Uruguayan utopia — Ramirez is one of five Uruguayans on the current roster.
Liverpool: Just Suarez. And Sebastian Coates. But mainly Suarez.
Southampton: The Saints are Uruguay-free.
Advantage: Bologna, because of the numbers. If they’re all dissatisfied with life in Bologna, I guess they can make themselves feel better by bitching about it in Uruguayan.
Threat of Relegation
Bologna: Two years ago. Since then, they’ve been mid-table.
Liverpool: After losing 3-0 to West Brom? Now.
Southampton: They just got promoted. So, you know: Now.
Advantage: Bologna. They seem more secure. Though it is Serie A.
Sounds Like Lunchmeat
Liverpool: The worst kind.
Advantage: Really depends on how you feel about cold cuts. Probably Bologna.
Really, In The End, Though
It seems like Bologna’s the wife, Southampton’s the lover, and Liverpool’s the weird potential one-night stand in the dodgy bar with Martin Skrtel and Charlie Adam salaciously cheering it on. Wow, what a mess. And wait until Liverpool plays in its away kits.