Red Card Review: Offseason Shenanigans

This kid is the boss, and he just threw you out

Happy to be here today, I was worried Kenwright was going to stiff me on my airfare.

Mexico won their first gold medal in Olympic soccer, USMNT fans will be happy to hear the entire team then defected to Great Britain.

The kicker with their defection isn’t Mexico losing these talented players, but the regression of their skills from English coaching.

David Moyes was passed over for a new managerial job yet again. I understand he’s Scottish and all, but the comparisons to the ugly single girl at the dance are just too canny.

AVB was hired as Spurs manager this summer, the first thing he did was try to bench Fat Frank Lampard.

I still think AVB went about benching Lampard wrong; there wouldn’t have been any sulking if AVB had remembered to bring the orange slices for those matches.

In other news, Spurs still need a striker.

Ledley King finally announced his retirement from football, this put 3 orthopedic surgeons out of business in the London area.

Manchester City has had a pretty quiet offseason, probably because Mancini confiscated Balotelli’s fireworks.

The champion’s biggest piece of business was bringing in Jack Rodwell from Everton. I thought I’d seen it all in soccer, but apparently teams have a need for two over rated English midfielders

More match fixing scandals have been uncovered in Italy, my question is when does it stop being match fixing and just become SOP for Serie A?

Also AC Milan lost several of its stars to world power PSG. If PSG starts winning, does this make AC Milan the Italian Arsenal?

The Euro’s were deemed a success by criminal-in-chief Michael Platini right after he got out from under Sepp Blatter’s desk.

England went out on penalties 2 times in 2 months. New suggestion for players, try missing your shot and maybe it will actually hit the back of the net.

Everyone’s favorite left-back Ashley Cole missed another penalty. Reports indicate he flinched on his walk to the penalty spot, but Johnny Heitinga could not be found in the stadium.

The Netherlands had an atrocious showing at this year’s Euro’s, their fans were in championship winning form.

The Greeks had another inspired run into the knockout stages; the real reason for the run was so their training staff could steal equipment from each stadium after games.

Have a good week, enjoy Stoke’s first match, and remember that Spurs need a striker.

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