A Blatter Masterpiece

My hands, they are not dirty you see!

Ever since his original election as El Dictator of FIFA, Sepp Blatter has run rings around the world footballing press anytime a scandal comes up. This time though, his evading has reached new heights as documents regarding bribery and corruption have been released by Swiss prosecutors detailing some startling corruption.

Information has come to light implicating Blatter’s predesecor Joao Havelange in a bribery scandal with marketing agency ISL. For those of you knew to the FIFA is corrupt scenario, ISL was a marketing agency that got favorable prices on the 2002 and 2006 World Cup television rights. These documents indicate a third party, referred to as “P1” knew of the payments. Anyone care to have a gander at who “P1” is?

If you answered Sepp Blatter you win absolutely nothing but the satisfaction of being right. Blatter’s original defense of knowing of these payments was that they were considered legal. Yeah, let that sink in for a moment. Blatter thought that it was ok for ISL to give money to FIFA folks who were in charge of making a decision that could make them millions of dollars. I don’t know where Blatter went to ethics school, but he may want to get his money back.

This wouldn’t be a Blatter story without some more fun, and Blatter tried to backtrack on his comments about the payments by saying that he only found out about them after ISL went bankrupt in 2001. He continues on to claim the moral high ground by talking about how his discovery of these payments led to the complaint being filed with Swiss prosecutors.

By the way this high ground got flooded by Hurricane Katrina just in case you were wondering where it was located.

Blatter didn’t even stop there with his comments. The esteemed president went on to say he thinks that Mr Havelange, who was named honorary president, should be stripped of the title. No need to actually address the problems that led to this kickback scandal. All FIFA needs to do is strip a 96-year old man of a meaningless title and then everything will be solved.  It’s kind of like putting asterisks in the baseball record book when players test positive for steroids.

Let’s also add some more shenanigans to the fun with Blatters final comments. The German federation has been highly critical of Blatter recently, going so far as to call for his resignation. Blatter decides the best way to hit back at these requests is to mention the rumored hanky-panky that occurred during the vote to award the 2006 World Cup. Nevermind that Blatter did all he could to dispel the rumors of corruption when the 2022 World Cup was awarded to a country that fielded an ineligible player. Qatar is so incompetent their federation couldn’t figure out if a guy was allowed to play for the national team. And yes, I am still bitter about that decision

The only thing this story is missing is the involvement of the International Olympic Committee. Oh that’s right, they already said they were going to read the upcoming report and take appropriate action after FIFA does of course. LOLZ

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