Roy’s Secret Weapon

Downing looks up, crosses it to no one in particular.

By now you’ve seen Roy Hodgson’s squad selection for England’s trip to Euro 2012. And you’re first reaction may have been, “DOWNING? WHAT? He can’t cross for shit!” And you’d be right about that. He’s managed to play an entire season at left winger for Liverpool without recording a single goal or assist. That’s a rare triumph of futility. The main problem seems to be that he’s just not that accurate. Hell, he missed a penno against Chelsea in a game when the pensioners were totally phoning it in.

Roy doesn’t seem a bit bothered by these obvious and problematic issues. He’s got a secwet weapon, you see? Check it out below.

The greatest England left winger? We shall see.

That’s right, the JUGS Soccer Machine is headed to Ukraine/Poland with the rest of the England squad. The rumor is Juggsy will be given #7 and set up on the left flank, just outside the box. Whenever Downing makes one of his patented futile runs, all he has to do is drop the ball into JUGS and let him do the rest. Roy fully expects JUGS to record the most assists at the Euros this year.

Now, there’s some controversy swirling as Juggsy was probably not manufactured in England, or even the UK. However, he hasn’t been capped by any other country yet, so it’s all legit. Juggsy’s already started learning the lyrics to God Save the Queen.

With the question of who will be sending in crosses from the left side settled, the only challenge for Roy will be teaching Andy Carroll to get his head on the ball when it comes into the box.

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2 responses to “Roy’s Secret Weapon

  1. There’s a problem with the weapon. Downing will have to hit the short pass to JUGGS exactly right.

  2. I will never get tired of saying it, but Tim Howard scored more than Downing did this season

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