Row Z: Five is a Tall Order

Is RVP any good at darts?

Oh, hi! On this most glorious of Super Tuesdees, Platini and his cronies have gifted us a couple Chaaaampions! return legs to feast on. You know the first one, where Wenger’s Gunners host Allegri’s Rossoneri at the Emirates and need to somehow overcome the 4-0 smackdown at the San Siro. Five-Nil to the Arse would do it, but four would suffice to force ET and PKs. Then all they need is for the Milanese to take penalties like Dirk Kuyt so Szczczczesny can put Arsenal through to the next round.

HAHAHAHAHA! Who am I kidding? Milan advance.

The other matchup features a Benfica side that was nearly frozen solid in St Petersburg, but still managed to only lose 3-2 to Zenit. They can get by with a 1-0 win. Benfica is loaded with South Americans, including Paraguay’s Oscar “Tacuara” Cardozo, Argentina’s Pablo “The Little Clown” Aimar, Nicolás “Nico” Gaitán, and Javier “The Rabbit” Saviola, to name a few. Curiously, the Russians have more Portuguese starters than the club from Lisbon, including Bruno Alves and Miguel Danny. PLUS: Magic Pixie, but he’s probably cup-tied. I have no idea who gets the edge here but I’m guessing it will be a fun game to watch.

There’s also a bunch of NPowership matches this afternoon featuring teams that end in “City”, “United”, “borough”, and/or “Town”. You can google that if you’re interested.

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46 responses to “Row Z: Five is a Tall Order

  1. The FA announced that they will not be appointing a new coach until at least May. Which is interesting considering that they kick off against France on June 11th.

  2. @MP – the England experience in this tourney is going to be a sight to behold. I’d liken it to the Hindenburg, but England isn’t that impressive to begin with.

  3. @Steve: it will be so horrific that you won’t be able to look away. Can you imagine what will happen if (read: when) they trot out Gerrard and Lampard and Walcott and Barry and Milner in midfield? Then leave Rooney to rot by himself up top?

  4. The team, at this point, is so full of cancerous players that there is no hope for success. All those of the “golden generation” or whatever the media like to call them (no matt how unworthy the players are of that title) need to be banned from appearing for the national side ever again. Just close the chapter, the book, whatever, and move on.

  5. They’ve gotta rip it up and go Dutch, van Marwijk style. Go with Parker and Barton (or Milner) in CM, then an attacking three of Ox, Young and Sturridge behind Welbeck (Rooney when he returns)

  6. Kudos to the Arse. This is the most backbone they’ve shown in years. I’m actually kinda happy for them.

  7. Any professional footballer incapable of using their weak foot for a simple put away like that one needs some slapping around.

  8. Yeah, Kudos to Arsene

    I’d leave Ashley Cole in the squad, and see who of Baines or Cole wants it more. Terry is right out if I’m managing England, though. So is Rio. I think I’d go Dawson and Jones or Cahill. With Walker obviously at the right.

  9. Man, Arsenal are just revenge machines right now, like Babygoose in the last half hour of Drive.

  10. This is fucking bonkers. The part of me that’s a football fan can rationally step back and appreciate the magnificence of Arsenal’s achievement. The rest of me wants to fucking burn everything.

  11. Holy shit!!! I had some work shit to do and then I check the game and we’re up 3-0 at the break!?! Wow! Even if (when) we end up a goal or two short, this is great stuff from the Arsenal!

  12. @MP: You’re probably right about penalties but even so, this is still reason for optimism for the rest of the year.

  13. Nah they’re flares and he’s reserving those for if Arsenal get a 4th. If we get a 5th (won’t happen), then he’ll shit a chicken, to borrow a phrase from Talladega Nights.

  14. Nocerino you complete goon. How the shit do you hit that at the keeper there??!

  15. @Scouse – Sp*rs and Chelsea, but yeah pretty much. Teams that press and stay close to him bother him. Close control has never been his game. He’s more like a speedy Juggernaut. If he gets going at speed, no one’s catching him and he usually can score. If he’s never allowed to get up to speed, he’s easy to shut down.

  16. Well, we came up short, but that was still quite the display of pride from Arsenal. Something to build on for the rest of the Prem season, assuming we get our midfielders back and Feo and Ox aren’t too banged-up.

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