From Russia with Love: A Gooner’s Farewell to Andrey Arshavin

Today we bring you a guest post by friend of the blog and Arsenal fan Blankzy

"We go home now, Wife."

The pint-sized Russian has finally gone home to Mother Russia.  Yes, it is only on loan to Zenit but it would be naïve to say he might actually return to London.  Sadly, Tomas Rosicky and Aaron Ramsey are now the only surviving members of the Lesbian Lookalikes Club that is the Arsenal midfield, having already lost the pasty-white, androgynous Samir Nasri to Manchester City.  Fortunately, Mikel Arteta’s eyebrows make him an ideal replacement.

When speaking of Andrey Arshavin, Arsenal fans love to reminisce about that unforgettable night back on April 21, 2009, when we all watched the little Ruski score four goals at Anfield; the first player to do so since 1946.  After that magical display, Andrey was always going to be a disappointment for the supporters.  Arshavin’s genius gradually fizzled out over the next few years and his performances became more and more frustrating.  Now that he’s gone, I urge all fans of the sport to remember him not for his inconsistencies on the pitch, but for his downright hilarious brilliance off the pitch.

The 17-million-pound man from Zenit has been making strange headlines since his arrival at the Emirates in February of 2009.  Many of these headlines were for the BIZARRE and uniquely Russian things that would come out of his mouth.  Here are some of Andrey’s finest quotes during his time with the Gunners:

(To Be Read Aloud with Russian Accent)

1.  “I like tall, slim girls with narrow thighs and tiny bums. If a girl is like this I do not pay attention to her breasts.”

2.  “If I had it in my power to introduce a ban on women driving cars and to withdraw all their licenses, I would do it without thinking twice.”

3.   “I once rode a horse bareback in the village.  It was very slippery.”

4.   “I dislike women who smoke — and lies.”

5.   “I recorded a single 2 years ago. “The football of my childhood” is a nice song about a boy with a dream of becoming a professional footballer”

6.   “I think that the level of women’s football is too low to take it seriously.”

7.   “Sometimes I think Arsenal fans like me more than my wife”

The last quote is a reference to Andrey’s lovely wife, Julia, who warmed the hearts of Londoners by trashing their city and shitting on everyone in it. [ed. – Don’t worry, Arshavin put her in her place]

Whether he was making ridiculous facial expressions or singing karaoke on Russian television, Andrey Arshavin was consistently entertaining even when his level of play was anything but.  Yes, he did spend most of his time standing around on the wing, like a lost child who wandered onto the pitch, but he always managed to keep it interesting.  Farewell, you strange little man.

The many faces of Andrey Arshavin. All of whom will be missed.


6 responses to “From Russia with Love: A Gooner’s Farewell to Andrey Arshavin

  1. I loved Arshavin, even if he was lazy. The 4 at Anfield, the winner last year v. Barca, and ironically, his hustle goal v. Swansea this past Sept, which was my first visit to the Emirates and the only goal of that game.

    To add to the off-field hilarity, check out the following links.,217754

  2. 2nd row, right picture.

    Possibly the best picture of anything on the internet.

    Except Mick McCarthy’s gif. Which isnt strictly a picture.

    Meh. I had a point, once.

  3. you’re the only reason why i’m watching arsenal….. why you left arsenal.. i couldnt watch your play anymore…

  4. i had the best memory of you arshavin… i named my dog terrier after you… i’m gonna miss you…….

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