How the North London Derby was my fault

Get it? Cause it was a dive.

Dear fellow Spurs fans,

Last weekend was my fault. I know, I’m sorry. Trust me, I’m just as mad about it as you are.

I don’t know why. But I know it was my fault.

Scotland. Not good at producing football, better at producing red heads.

I’m not an overly superstitious man. I don’t worry about black cats crossing the street or walking under ladders. I graduated college and attend graduate school. I believe in logic and reason. Like all right thinking individuals, I prefer Karen Gillan to Billie Piper. I say this not to emphasize how awesome I am, but to make a point: I am not some mouth breathing troglodyte who believes that Luis Suarez was innocent.
And yet, I think that my actions can somehow influence the games of my beloved Tottenham Hotspur.

This is, of course, insane.  I live 3,600 miles away from White Hart Lane. I have been to the Lane for a game, but I doubt my presence made a lasting impression on anyone there. To the best of my knowledge, I have never met a Spurs player or anyone involved in the club and I certainly don’t have regular contact with them. And fortunately for my mental health, my closest connection to Arsenal is an insufferable gooner bar down the street. There is no possible way that, I, in Baltimore, could have any influence on a football match in North London.

But I am convinced that I did.

I wore the same jersey (2007/2008 away) I had on when we beat the Scum back last year, so it must have been the long sleeved shirt I had on under it. Or I had the wrong thing for breakfast, or not played the game ahead of time in FIFA. I am a grown man and despite all knowledge and common sense, I am certain that something I did affected the outcome of this game.

If I don't pick the right one, our season will explode.

Don’t look at me like that. There isn’t a sports fan on the planet who hasn’t had these thoughts go through their head at some point.

I know they’re stupid, I know they’re ridiculous.

But don’t worry. I’ll figure out which Spurs kit is the right one to wear before the next North London Derby. We can’t let that shit happen again.


8 responses to “How the North London Derby was my fault

  1. It’s all your fault.

    Also, sploosh does not make me think of diving. It makes me think of:

  2. My wife watched most of the first half with me. Spurs were up 2-0. She left the room, the Arse scored twice. It was all downhill from there. I blame her.

  3. @Lorber Yeah, that’s my usual reaction to Bale. Hopefully that picture will have that kind of a connotation again after this weekend.

  4. @ G*nner I thought I couldn’t love that show any more until they threw a Gundam reference into last week’s episode. /swooooon.

  5. When I used to go to the pub with my dad and cousins to watch Celtic games, we would always score, without fail, every time my cousin Stephen left the room for drinks or a toilet break.

    I cant remember a single instance that he saw the goal in play. Even penalties. It got to it that if we were a goal down, or level in the last 10, we’d send Stephen to the bar for more beer. Then celebrate the almost inevitable goal.

  6. @Jack – Two personal records! For breath-holding and number of sharks SHOT IN THE FREAKING FACE!!!

    @Garry – That’s pretty classic/tragic. Me and a buddy of mine had 10-game packs to Sporting KC last summer, and there were a couple games where one of us couldn’t go so the other would get two tickets. Thru 8 games attended, he never saw us win. He saw a shitload of draws and 1 or 2 losses, including both Seattle and Dallas turning 1 goal deficits to 1 goal wins in the last 5 minutes. I’d seen a couple wins at games he couldn’t go to or whatever. Finally he saw us beat Columbus at the end of September to break the duck, but it was getting funny for a while. I was half considering not letting him go with me.

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