Welcome to the Fabulous Stevie G Hotel!

Even the hotel's parking attendants are committed to providing an authentic Liverpool experience.

Are you a Liverpool fan looking to get away from it all? Are you dying to explore the exotic locales of the South Pacific? But do you hate the thought of leaving your beloved home behind? Well now you can find the perfect getaway at the Hotel Stevie G in Indonesia!

From The Daily Fail:

The hotel’s owners, the Maja House Group, are huge fans of the Reds and named their latest 22-room property in the city of Bandung in honour of the Anfield captain Steven Gerrard.

And to complete the look, they have named one of the rooms ‘This is Anfield’, which boasts grey wallpaper with an LFC logo.

Fans can even pose with life-sized portraits of Kop idols Kenny Dalglish,  Ian Rush and Robbie Fowler.

How majestic! Here’s a look inside the glorious Anfield suite:

No it's not. Don't be fooled.

The clusterfuck of images symbolically represents the team's on-field performance.

But that’s just one out of twenty-two suites in the hotel. What do the rest of them look like? Do they share the same commitment to Liverpudlian authenticity? Are they all thematically designed to exhibit a particular facet of Liverpool culture? Those are all great questions, dear reader. I’m glad you asked. Let’s find out.

That's another good question. One which people from Liverpool probably can't answer.

The first stop on our tour is the “What is Pop Art” suite. When Liverpool was bizarrely named the European Capital of Culture in 2008, renowned pop artist Peter Blake reinterpreted his famous Sgt. Pepper album cover with famous figures from Liverpool’s history. Steven Gerrard was left out of that painting, even though Wayne Rooney and Michael Owen were featured. Ever since then, Stevie G has vowed revenge on pop art. This room represents his vendetta–a rejection of high culture in favor of baser pleasures, like drunken brawling and Phil Collins. It also represents a serious question he’s been asking and if anyone can explain it to him, he’d really appreciate it, because revenge is really hard when you can’t figure out what you’re supposed to be fighting.

"Fit But You Know It" was actually written about Steven Gerrard

The next stop is “The Street”. Born and raised on the hard knock streets of Merseyside, Steven Gerrard is straight thuggin’. Guests in the fabulous Street Suite can experience what it was like for Stevie G to grow up in the hood. The circular carpet with different colors on it represents Gerrard’s childhood chores. Every day his parents made him steal hubcaps from cars in varying colors. For each hubcap he failed to steal, he would be beaten with a sockfull of Spanish doubloons. Steven has fond memories of his childhood and is so glad he can share them with you!

Welcome to the Stevie G! Your casually racist home away from home!

The final stop on our tour is the Illegal Immigrant Suite. Recognizing the horrific racism debacle that has engulfed Liverpool lately, the Stevie G’s owners have decided to pay tribute to Liverpool’s dedicated commitment to offhand bigotry.

Yes, you read that right. No, I didn’t make this up. We at FourFiveTwo pride ourselves on never letting the truth get in the way of a good joke, but sometimes the truth is so much funnier. This all comes straight from the hotel’s official twitter. In addition to boring rooms like The English Rose and Simple Pine, The Stevie G Hotel has a room thematically dedicated to Illegal Immigrants. Well done guys.

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7 responses to “Welcome to the Fabulous Stevie G Hotel!

  1. Ironically, the Illegal Immigrant Suite is the one that looks the best. I’d choose that one, if I were ever to frequent the Stevie G. Hotel in Indonesia.

    Which, y’know, I’m not. Ever.

  2. Why is that ironic? Are illegal immigrants worse than other people so you’d expect their room to be shitty too? RACIST

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