FourFiveTwo’s Endorsement for the Next England Manager Part 3: Gardening for Dummies

As you are undoubtedly aware, the FA is looking for a new national team coach for England in the wake of Fabio Capello’s resignation. Everyone on the internet seems to have an opinion on who the FA should or shouldn’t hire. FourFiveTwo was no exception. Earlier today Skipjack proposed the appointment of Bill Belichick. Let’s be honest though. A coach of Belichick’s stature would not stoop so low as to take on the position of England manager.

This is why I humbly put forward the most logical man for the next England manager, Phil Brown.

The WAGs will just love him

Some may question why a man who managed a 4 different teams to relegation is qualified for this job, but it is really simple. Brown will keep the WAGs happy.

There is an old saying that a happy wife is a happy life, and it takes a lot to keep these wives happy. Expensive clothes, the best parties, and maybe an occasional amount of loving is required to keep everyone in line, but Brown can make this all easier. To start with, Brown can provide excellent advice on tanning. In a country where almost everyone has a tendency to look whiter than a marshmallow, tanning advice is invaluable. After all, these WAGs have to compete with women from places such Spain, France, and even Italy.  With Mr. Brown at the helm these ladies can finally achieve the perfect look they’ve always wanted, heck maybe even Wayne Rooney will be able to take off his shirt without blinding us all.

Do you really want her to live out her life in a pasty white?

Mr. Brown’s gardening skill will also be invaluable to the WAG’s. After Brown’s gardening leave, he is now an expert on appearing to grow vegetables while not doing much of anything. Appearance is everything to WAGs, and the chance to sucker the public into thinking they are like any normal women will be invaluable. It also manages to keep them out the footballers hair, which is good for everyone (especially Wayne Rooney).

Is there really any doubt now that the English FA has to appoint Phil Brown as manager? Too often WAGs have dominated the headlines at international tournaments, but this hiring will allow the focus to finally fall on the play of the Enlgish team. Of course that will only make things worse.

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