Well another transfer window has come and gone. Only this time nobody did anything particularly interesting. The total outlay this January was only enough to buy one and a half Andy Carrolls, and less than Chelsea
wasted spent last year on one Fernando Torres. But here at 4-5-2, we refuse to let that get us down. Since this year was stupid and last year was totally fucking bonkers, let’s look back at last January. We all know which players turned out to be hilariously awful, but let’s see if any January transfers from last year have actually come good.
Our Top 5, after the jump.
5. Darren Bent (Sunderland, £18m rising to £24m)
Darren Bent scores goals wherever he goes while basically sucking at everything else required of a professional footballer, and it’s been no different for him at Aston Villa. He’s kept up a strike rate of 1 in 2 and we’re all very impressed. Way to go Darren. I hope you’re happy you abandoned Sunderland to play for a team lower than them in the table. Whatever. I don’t care. I’m just glad he’s not still at Spurs.
4. Anders Lindegaard (Aalesunds, £3.5m)
Before Man United signed this guy, did any of you have a clue who the hell he was? Me neither. I don’t even know what an Aalesunds is. But their nickname is the Tangoshirts. And if you think that’s a stupid nickname, you better watch your ass. Because anyone who can pull of a nickname like the Tangoshirts has got to be a total badass. And Lindegaard kind of is. You could have bought six of him for the price of one David “Laughingstock” de Gea, but it would surprise nobody if Lindegaard ended up as United’s long term number one.
3. Hatem Ben Arfa (Marseille, £5.75m)
Alongside fellow Lyon youth product Karim Benzema, Hatem Ben Arfa was once touted to be the future of French football. He hasn’t quite hit those heights, in large part because he’s supposedly a gigantic douchebag. (What? An unpleasant Frenchman? Quelle surprise!) After he burned his bridges at Lyon and Marseille, he fled across the channel for a fresh start. He suffered a horrendous injury in his first season with Newcastle but he’s recently bounced back and started showing signs he could yet become the player he was supposed to. Check the video below around the 17s mark:
2. Luis Suárez (Ajax, £22.8m)
Luis Suárez is everybody’s favorite racist handballing vampire. When not suspended for engaging in one of those activities, he also plays football.
Even though he’s only scored 9 goals since his move to Seventhpool, he’s been their most creative player and central to anything good they do on the pitch. He also gets bonus points for not being Andy Carroll. Who cost way more than he did. Just like Dzeko, Torres, and Bent. But picking up an eight game suspension for being a cunt keeps him out of the top spot. Also, I wanted to be all hipster-cool-whatever and pick someone less obvious.
1. Stéphane Sessègnon (Paris St Germain, £6m)
Oh SNAP! Bet you didn’t see that one coming. And if you did, please don’t tell me. I couldn’t take it. THIS IS ALL I HAVE.
*cough* Um. Sorry. But yeah. Sessègnon. That guy’s pretty good huh? He’s only scored one fewer goals than El Vampiro and he has more assists. And he’s not even really a true striker. He can and has played basically all over the pitch. He’s been Sunderland’s best player and at only £6m was an absolute steal.
Honorable mentions go to Edin Dzeko and Jamie O’Hara (who was only a loan in January so doesn’t even really count anyway). That’s it. Everyone else was not good or their teams got relegated or they’ve already moved on again. Disagree? I dare you.