Liverpool Hoodwinked by Viral Video

"So apparently Downing is an expert when it comes to pin pointing trash-cans. Finally I understand why Dalglish bought Carroll." - Some guy on youtube whose joke I'd love to take credit for

As you all may know, Liverpool bought Stewart Downing from Aston Villa  in a £20 million deal last summer. What you may have been wondering, is why.

See, Stewart Downing is not very good at football. In spite of this, Seventhpool seemed to think he was the missing piece of their title-challenging puzzle. The one guy who could sling majestic crosses onto the forehead of misfiring “striker” Andy Carroll.

So how did Liverpool reach this ridiculous conclusion? Fake YouTube videos.

Yes, that’s right. American owner John Henry and Chairman Tom Werner saw Downing perform miraculous feats on YouTube.

“There was some footage of Stewart where he was, from 30 yards away, kicking a football into five different trash cans and it was brilliant,” said chairman Werner.

“John and I said: ‘Oh my God, this player is brilliant, we’ve got to figure out a way to make a deal with him’.”

And they were almost right. Any guy who could do that would be worth his weight in David Bentleys. But unfortunately for Liverpool’s naive American owners, the video was a fake. You see, the video was doctored for a viral marketing campaign by Aston Villa. Presumably they didn’t catch the other viral videos, which included John Carew fixing lights around Villa Park with the power of his amazing volleys and Carlos Cuellar attacking noisy groundsmen.

At first I couldn’t believe this story wasn’t as fake as the above video. But it’s real. It’s so real, it’s not even funny. Ok, I lied. This is hilarious. Seventhpool is stupid.


6 responses to “Liverpool Hoodwinked by Viral Video

  1. King Kenny is basing his Tactics off of the players’ preferred positions in Football Manager. That’s where he got the idea to play three at the back at the Britannia.

  2. @Lorber – Hard to compliment a Sp*rs man, but that was freakin’ hilarious.
    I once curled one into the upper 90 from 30 yards dicking around with some friends. If only someone had videoed that, I could have swindled ‘Pool out of a few mil despite the fact that I can’t do that regularly.

  3. I suppose we should not look at the full quote then.

    TW: I do have a funny story to tell you! When we first were talking about Stewart Downing, we looked on the internet to see what we could learn about him. And there was some footage of Stewart that maybe you can show our fans, where he is, from 30 yards away, kicking a football into five different trash cans and it’s brilliant.

    John and I said, ‘Oh my god, this player is brilliant, we’ve got figure out a way to make a deal with him.’ We later found out of course that the footage was somewhat doctored but we were so excited about Downing joining Liverpool.

  4. @TFA Here at FourFiveTwo we don’t let trivialities like the truth get in the way of a good story.

    I think we are to used to the British press

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s